So we recently made a breakthrough in communicating with some of the Chinese manufacturers we are trying to negotiate with. You see, we had previously been sending these potential manufacturers messages, that I drafted, that went something like this:
Our company is interested in importing your [NBT]s, product nos. [XXXXXX], for distribution in the United States. We believe that [NBT]s have great potential in America, and are interested in further information about your company.
To start with we would like to procure a small trial shipment to test the product and our target market. We would be pleased if you could provide your MOQ, FOB price, and price for larger volumes at your earliest convenience.[…]
Please let us know if a copy of a recent factory audit, or similar, could be provided should we proceed to further discussions.
We had not been getting good results from this message. We did get some responses – they were (often) cordial, friendly, open, et cetera; but most of the messages we sent out went unanswered. Which I assumed was natural – a lot of emails just never get read, right? Molson, however, had a hypothesis: that our English was too complicated, and we should write in language that our correspondents could clearly understand. He took over the key message drafting position. The emails we send now read more like this:
Thank you for the [NBT] quotation. I am very excited.
I like item nos. [XXXX], [XXXX], [XXXX]. I would like to see more pictures of the items that I like. Especially, I want to see close-up pictures of the [redacted].
Also, please tell me about the picture. I have attached it. Tell me more about this model, its price[…] When we make a large order, we want to choose the colors of the [redacted]. Also, we want to put our logo on the [NBT].
The conditions of your factory are very important to us. We will need to see pictures of your factory. Please tell us about your company and your factory.
Thank you so much!
Thanks to this simple expedient, our communications have become significantly more successful, literally overnight.
Incidentally, Molson is actually capable of writing above 5th-grade level. At least in theory. Just wanted to make that clear.